Half my life ago, on my 14th birthday I had one of the worst days of my life.
My 14th year was hard. We moved to a suburb none of my rich friends had heard of. My sister was busted smoking pot and grounded “for life”. My dad was miserable in his job and trying not to take it out on his family. Mum was working nights and exhausted trying to hold the family together. My Grandmother married a man who may or may not have been a con-man. I was teased all year, worse than I had ever before. I also grew boobs overnight and the boys were merciless in their harassment.
So my Birthday started normally. I got up letting Mum sleep in and caught the train with my sisters. But when I got to school, Tim* tried to give me a present. Without even thinking, I held up my hands, muttered "I can’t accept this" and got away as quick as I could so I didn’t have to see his hurt face. He had a crush on me since art class the year before and he was a nice guy, but a little intense which scared the crap out of me. He was also on even lower social standing than me, and his affection towards me meant I was teased even more. I had barely spoken to him all year. Today, My 14th birthday, was no different. “Why didn’t you take his present? You Bitch!” people taunted me. “I hear Tim bought you a present and you threw it at him!” I was followed by it all day.
I did my best to avoid him all day. Alana and I were going to try Fencing after school in the gymnasium, so we turned up, changed into our gym gear and waited for the class to start. Then Tim showed up. Clearly we weren’t the only ones who though learning medieval sword fighting sounded awesome. Suddenly the fencing uniform felt like it was highlighting my chest. “Here is my ample bust!" it screamed. I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back, all I remember about that hour is the anxiety I felt and embarrassment. I obviously wasnt going to take this class ever again.
After school I caught the train home and had a job interview for Red rooster, the local chicken chain. My sister started working at Hungry Jacks at 14, so now it was my turn. I turned up for the interview, answered the guys questions and felt rather good about it. Until he finally looked at my birthdate on the standard Red Rooster application form.
“Wait. 24th October. That makes it your birthday today! Happy birthday!” he said smiling. “15 today!?”
“Thank you, I’m 14 today.”
“Oh. “ He looked awkward, “we can’t hire anyone under 14 and 9 months. I’m sorry to have brought you in.”
I walked home. Stewing on the day. When I got inside my door, my Mum and sister were waiting for me. They’d tidied my room and it looked so bright and sunny and beautiful. There was a haircare kit with clips and scrunchies on my bed. I burst into tears and sobbed the whole day out as mum gave me a big hug. She told me to talk to my teacher the next day, made me one of my favourite dinners, and a crunchie cheese cake (the brilliance of a crunchy bar broken crumbled into a cheesecake- my request every year).
The next day I asked the home-room teacher if I could have a word outside, and we sat on a bench. I told her that Yesterday had been my birthday. I don’t think she had realised. I told her about Tims present and that I couldn’t accept it because I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea, or encourage him. I told her, tearfully, about the teasing and taunting that happened all day. That people called me a bitch.
“You did the right thing not taking the present.” I was assured. I already knew that. “Do you want me to talk to Tim for you?”
No, I didn’t. It wasn’t his fault. I would have felt sorry for him if someone else had been the object of his crush. I didn’t like him, even as a friend anymore because I couldn’t. He was too intense, but it wasn’t his fault for laying his heart on the line, just as it wasn’t my fault for trying to distance myself, hoping his feelings would cease. I just didn’t want the whole school teasing me for not reciprocating a guys feelings, just as I’m sure they teased him for being rejected. Nothing was done, because how do you discipline a whole year for being mean to one outcast?
I avoided Tim the rest of my whole school experience. I’ve run into him a few times since, including at my high school reunion last year, Its pleasant, but still a little awkward. I still see the slightly creepy boy who sung Savage Gardens “Chained to you” over the phone to me, and he probably sees the bitch to rejected him and then avoided him like the plague.
I have mixed feelings about birthdays now.
Names obviously changed.
No comments:
Post a Comment